so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just want nice things and good sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
