dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
