We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
