college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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