you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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