He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
