you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
