Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
