i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
