I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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