whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
