that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want a musical about memes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
