I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
