i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
