i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
