When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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