I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
