No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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