Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
