my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
