i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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