This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
