i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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