I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
