By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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