A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All the doctor said was why
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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