R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
