What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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