So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
