there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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