She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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