please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
