Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's blow job season.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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