thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
