She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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