I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
