I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
