i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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