I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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