But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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