hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
