What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i love accidental penises.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
