At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
