He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
