I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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