And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
