i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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