kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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