She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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