I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I just sharted jello shots
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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