There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
