Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
