Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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