I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
