nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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