Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
