Me too!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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