Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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