Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
