Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
