And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
