I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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