i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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